my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This house was built for laser tag.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I am available for nakedness
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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