Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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