Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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