You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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