Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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