so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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