It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
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I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
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I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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