Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
