Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize