my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
