does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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