Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
