operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
