just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
