Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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