Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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