Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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