We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
