....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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