God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
