no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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