I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
