i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
