I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
