I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
