Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
