That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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