he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
