her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
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For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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