chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just found puke in my bra..
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I stole a fireplace last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
