i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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