I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
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I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
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I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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