Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I will pee on everything he values.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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