I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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