I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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