i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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