2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
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it was like a zeppelin in a condom
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
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I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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