You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
