Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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