I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm at about main and main street
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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