I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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