he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He shit in the fireplace
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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