I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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