Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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