I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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