Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
