apparently the secret to your success is patron
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
