Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just pee around me
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
