I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!