as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.