If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..