Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
