Are you guys doing anything tonight?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"