Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
