only if we run a train.
done.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
