When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
