Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
