I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
