Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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