i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
