Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
