Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
