saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
