Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
