I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
