member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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