Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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