if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
