I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
