in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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