I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
