I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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