there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
