Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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