You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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