When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
