Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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