I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
