my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
