It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
