So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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