i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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