Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
