So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
