my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
