wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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