If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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