There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
