At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
