One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
