If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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